my husband left me because he was unhappy
I think we both used sex to cope with stress. If he was the man for me he wouldnt of left me. I am starting to realize no matter how many of her fav mags I buy her or if I bring her flowers or chocolate cupcakes for treats constantly, she will barely even notice let alone understand how hard it is for me to choke it back and make that kind of effort again. We both love our children and our siblings and dont want to hurt them more than we already have. We sometimes include products we think are useful for our readers. What city and state are you in? No matter what the true cause is, it is tied to your emotions. The correct answer is not to say I dont want to be around someone miserable. Unfortunately, theres little we can do about that. I read somewhere that narcsassists will never loose any sleep over our pain . I am never able to maintain my anger for any length of time but never the less I am a poor former of words while angry so it is easy for me to see how I may have said something I didnt truly mean Marriage values need to be seriously overhauled in this country or lets just start raising our kids to be cheaters and narcissists because thats what everybodys becoming anyway. If you need help finding a therapist, you are welcome to call us. He had over the years became grumpy and this only got worse. He is worried about more his material things than me or our marriage. My wife had insisted on getting a new house before we were ready. I beg you to take me from here: Spousal abandonment and the experience of separation in flight from persecution. Your story is so touching. Well the doctor she was working with was giving her Vicodin, and soma, she also was getting zanax and other pills from doctor. He quit texting me while at work (we have lived together all this time. I searched out an old girl friend from years back, we met several times for walks and just talked. Rather than an excess of painful emotion, it was the lack of pain, the lack of feeling, that was the . And although I honestly did not ever intend to hurt her, I can see where she would be hurt. Why does your family believe him over you? They systematically destroyed this beautiful life we created and threw out everything I was again with my kids watching. In January the kids want nothing to do with her because of the lies she has been telling plus my brother and his wife took her side, I just wanted them to be on the kids side. She feels like a bad person who cannot be forgiven for leaving her family. Then we came home talked more and again neither of us made a move towards the other. It does not DEFINE you. It's pathetic, but true. Well one month into my overseas job that was just for 18 monthsshe told me she was leaving me after the financing on the new house fell through. Except that I became his punching bag for him, for every bad day he had, every opinion or suggestions I had in discussions would trigger a denigrating response from him. As hard as it can be to lose your partner, there probably is some part of you that shut down or got lost in the relationship. Theyve only been talking for weeks and he thinks he has fallen in love with this person. She walked out about a week ago and she always leaves and never tells me what I have done wrong and she never tried to work through things. Why pretend you want to save our family? I feel for everyone here because the pain is so difficult to deal with. We must move on, If I dont walk now Ill only get hurt again by him. We have talked about this more than I can count. All of a sudden we move and after 32 years of marriage, recently he left with a girl who is my youngest daughters age her late 20s. no good reason and that hes been thinking about it for a year! Our new counselor really seems to understand our real issue, which is communication on a very big level. I hurt my back at work and was off then went back she just finished college at this point, she got a job and then I found out I had a prostate problem, so I had a cathador in for a while and again was off work, at this point we were still getting things caught up. She claims to have been feeling this way for a year, but what hurts is that she not only didnt tell me, but she has used all 5 of those reasons listed. It is amazing how they completely changed. She came back after months and said wow you have changed! I swear up and down that I wont go back with her but I know that her not taking her meds had a lot to do with us separating. this is two months of my ugly experience. It is really hard. Earlier that day she had told my mom she was leaving again but not in a bad way. By Saturday morning I am calling nonstop everyone, her parents etc. Its just an observation but she seems to have also removed all responsibility from her life its scary. I pray this is Gods will. I work everyday to get stronger and grateful for what I do have, but the hurt is unbearable.Why didnt he just tell me he found someone else and wanted a divorce?? Long story short we got back together. Only single guy in my group. Despite the length of a relationship, each partner must be committed to doing their share of the work, and communicating their own needs. It comes down to saying, this sucks but also saying to ourselves whatever and just knowing we tried. Why hasnt society caught up with that? I have a huge financial mess where I make more money than most people but I pay out so much. Please u did not say anything concerning my case, am in Cameroon, and we have less of such facilities like therapist on psychological or marital issues. 5 years ago I bumped in to a high school friend. And how the friends of a man or woman who then leaves there partner for another is accepted. Then what, it is just so sad. Love is blind, but Im not so blind any more. Get pleasable. There is something called life. Giving praises, compliments, hugs, kisses and other affections are normal. I screamed into the . Grass is not always greener and a lot of times they are then in a new relatioship only to wakeup one day and find they feel exactly the same as they did in the previous relationship .Talk to each other sort problems out no one is perfect dont badmouth the other person . I dont think she will ever know how much I loved her and how loyal I was to her. Theres a reason to leave someone. I am so sorry you are going true this, I am feeling your pain. I have been married for 4 years. I agree. How to cope: This is a great opportunity and time to ask yourself what you want to do with your time and how you want to live. When someone walks away from u let them walk ur destiny was never tied to anyone that left. Im so pissed now she plays it off again like its all me and the kids beg me to stay (someones gotta give them attention.. Thats to far below her 2hr bath time every night. Every morning I wish I did not have to wake up because it is a torture for me to go through the day feeling pain. At 42 they are prime examples of men going through Mid Life crisis. I was in the same situation. Let go of the past and move on with your life! We sold our home we owned together, yet I paid the mortgage as we were looking for a change. I put the number in and he had named her 1 of his work mates. I have been with my wife for 20years and married for 16 years. I dont know if hes cheating. Just for leaving someone that i wasnt happy with. I dont intend to be mean when I do so. They had lunch once a month. Theres no right or wrong way to grieve a relationship, but there are ways you can help yourself and find closure. But I still love her, more than those words could ever describe. None of these are what God intended for marriage. After he left her for a younger woman, Mark Harrison was portrayed in his wife's newspaper column and recent novel as a selfish cad. My experience was so unbelievable that I was in shock, I was diagnosed with PTSD later on. This was a deliberate act carried out by those who are unethical and immoral. We have a 5yr old a 2yr old and a 4 week old. Is this forum legitimate? I was devastated! He is smitten and very sexually involved with this 40 something woman. His behavior is classic. From a third person view the situation looks as if a woman knew she was going to make that decision and did not have the courage to tell her husband in person . Feeling a little bette . Luckily it isnt working and they can see his behaviour for what it is which makes him even more bitter and he subsequently blames everyone else for people not wanting anything to do with him. We have a son who is just under 2 and was born 10 weeks early. So I crumpled and grabbed a couple bags of clothes and left like she demanded. I feel completely invisible in my own home. Why do this horrific act?? I miss the physical contact which I thought was good. Thats were the acceptance came into play . Anyway, good luck & I wish you the best. then he comes back home and is a great husband for another four months then next thing u know he leaves again . My friends have brilliant in all this and Im starting to feel like in time I will get over this but the hurt is sometimes unbearable. We slept in separate bedrooms and became room mates and certainly not what I had invisioned a marriage to be at the age of 51. Have you thought about maybe having the teacher of your oldest daughter call DYFS? I threatened to call the police but never did out of fear of having anything to do with that kind of stuff and the kids. Now im being threated/monitored by one of his family. Abuse should definitely be on the list. Sorry for your heartache. I dont know how you move 25 miles away from your son, my daughter left for college this year. So it is tough to swallow. Last September she said we were over due to the fact of me cheating with her friend. Love has to be tough this is one reason no matter what you must not take her back . He says they have not had sex but it is an emotional affair just as bad or worse! I am not saying you have to stay with someone who no longer is committed to the team in a very damaging way but the research shows people are throwing the towell in for very small reasons. I has been left with no rhyme or reason you can read my earlier blog. Questions or concerns about the preceding article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment below. Its a horrible way to live, he leaves constantly when things dont go his way, wont marry me (although we were engaged 6 months into our relationship) wont move in and keeps leaving me, sleeping with other woman then reeling me right back in with emotional BS! I read It goes back to their childhood when they were never held accountable for their actions and would lie and cover up rather than be chastised by their parents one of which was probably narcissistic too . My wife left me in October after 6 years Im dealing with my in-laws involved the failure of our marriage has been all shifted on me my wife has changed her cell all kinds of madness, I try to get it out as much as I can its tuff I have the bills kids everything to deal with, How lucky ur wife is to be much loved by youi wish i am that person..:(, My husband had never showed me love from the very begginning. What a cold hearted person after four years the best advise I can give you is feel the pain go threw it and never take him back but please for the sake of your sanity forgive him for leaving you later you see where the mistakes were made and you will thank him for doing you a huge favor. I am lost. Im so sorry, this broke my heart. Im going through the same although my kids are 9 And 11 years old he told me 2 days after Xmas Im not happy here anymore. And what they are now compared to who they were before. Yes I was pissed beyond belief. While we did argue I didnt see this coming. I went to my room to get some clothes and on the bed was his stained boxers next to her stained panties. During the summer he became distand and snappy with both myself and the girls, resulting in him going to work and coming . Hi, another in the same boat, was with my partner for 8 years, we had had a rough year as his hours were dropped to 3 days, then he got suspended, then sacked , secured him a job at where i work, his mum extremely ill and died recently, stuck with him through all this and then 2 months ago he literally stood up and said he didnt know what he wanted and went, phone contact for a while now zilch, nothing, have asked in a text as he not speaking ( so didnt want to mither) if were done yes or no ? Wow. First of all i feel sorry for you i know where your coming from.my wife left me after 16 yrs. I cant imagine being in this apartment we have been in for so long together and staring at all the memories and these walls and being able to move on and be happy. She ruined mothers day after I bought her gifts and took her out. I am unsure what to do. 2. One thing lead to another then we had sex. Copyright 2013 GoodTherapy.org. My wife and I have been together every day for 28 years.Married for 24 this Jan 1st and we lived together for 4 years. Her friends, family and coworkers all pushed her. Thanks heather for your positive feedback it is needed very much right now. 2. So Im a stay at home mom my daughter and his brother live with us to help pay for medical bills, supplies, food shelter etc. Try mindfulness to break the circle of thought and let it guide you on. Im going to make what might seem a peculiar suggestion, for the sake of those who cannot get over something like this. Everything says I will be ok. I only had him. He needs space to find himself. He is indicating he has no power to change; you have all the power. When I have been upset and called to to him he has been very cold and mean.telling me he hated being in a relationship with hated being a family and so on. To date a boss behind ur back smh Thats the lowest a person can go. I gave a lot of myself over to my marriage and taking on a lot of stuff trying to be a help mate. I loved my husband, I was happy. ..I believe my husband has a similar condition. We live in a rural area and funds are limited for different counciling but I feel he has walked out on me when things were at the worst and when I needed support the most. The answer is how can we make you happy and ease your feelings. It is you used to do this , you used to do that. I remained strong on the outside and everyone asked how I kept it together, but that doesnt mean it wasnt extremely difficult and the most traumatic experience in my life. She refused to let me see them at all and now had moved that guy and his kid into our home. I sleep and eat baflt. If he doesnt respond to ONE request, then get an annulment and move on. Wow harsh, I could swear that was written for me sheesh. Heather omg I read your article you wrote and this is so real I honestly wish I had that support from you Im 26 years old with 2 kids and my life has been hurtful and heartbreaking within my relationship I dont want to drag a long story out but I recently got married in Jan and my husband just left me with no explanation in 2 months of our marriage but I have some proof on my end. I dont hit her I dont drink I dont do drugs I take date of the kids so I dont understand how come it hurts me so much and not her and why she left and isnt willing to work on it at all. If you aske most people who leave their spouses if they are happy in their decision, if theyre being honest, most of them would say no. I am reeling. We have a beautiful son together. 2. Trust and believe Carma is on its way. Im shutting down. I fell deeply and it was the hardest six months of my life. Breaks my heart and puts my own unfortunate situation in perspective. Her boss can have her, she will do the same thing to him. Research on keeping couples together is awesome, but if youve ever been through a divorce you will know that statistics and research dont heal a broken heart. My husband left me on 10-14-15, after 2years of being married says he found the person he had been looking for since he been in Florida, what I dont understand is why marry someone if you were looking for someone else??? I just wish I could hit fast forward. He is going back to his daddys at 30 years old because he will have no responsibility. She never calls, answers and doesnt text back at all. It ended as I couldnt cope with casual and then I had to tell husband because I was so ill. Three months on, I am still totally in love with him. God bless you. And meeting another woman again is very difficult now for many of us single men too, now that Feminism is everywhere these days, Ok have to jump in here and say that half this list was well debated by surviving marriage members, who salvaged most the married groups helpful comments to suffering people going through the same similar situations advocated for on this list, leaving me to ponder this probably being horrible advice from the same site since many or Ill have ruined most my own relationships let me at least try to clear things up for honest hurting folks, people leave for 1 simple reason so both sides pay attention so your aware of whats up what you are really doing and choosing simple really they want to get that? Things werent perfect between us for about a year, but after Christmas, I thought things had been going ok. We applied for a mortgage and it was in those weeks waiting for approval that he made the decision to leave, in early February 2017. He only saw our daughter twice a month.. Then after our son he asks me to come back I go back and hes still trctong her the night I moved back in so the very next morning with my 1 week old baby and my toddler I pack up and move out again. Nothing has meaning. He would attempt to hide his porn addiction by holing up in the loft in our garage when I was not home. Pschycopath, sociopath or narcissist, because he has no empathy, guilt, nothing, no feeling..this is hard for me to grasp, because I feel its my fault and I have fix it or me There You go!! He was asking for her number then the conversation ended. We spoke daily our entire relationship and had never even apart more than a few days. I am now literally in a living hell. I love him and miss him so much. I wish you all the best If you noticed, we mentioned reading self-help books. I am also working on it. Never was there a conversation of custody or living nearby to split parenting. Acting normal at home. Not looking for any comments just felt a need to write that lot down. After all I did to keep our little family together he walked out on us. I have being with him 5 years and we broke up once cause he didnt want kids. The loneliness is also something you will be unprepared for. I looked everywhere and i sat outside of the area for a long time. Everyday I just want to die, because I have seen and felt the worst evil I have ever known.. He said he didnt want it to escalate so he left. I cannot take you anymore. Like said I get it, HIS fav team stuff all over drinking glasses and mugs. Im not sure, I was available to him for conversation,I very rarely went out because I work multiple jobs simultaneously, take care of the kids and the house. I believe I have behaved exemplary throughout and my heart is broken. She is 49 and lives abroad and never married. He told me that mom was sucking on a can while they were on their way to pick up his friend for soccer practice and she was having a problem driving and stoped abruptly in subdivision well she was what learned later what is called huffing a can/ bottle of butane. She saw no reason to be together and attempted no solution to work it out. 8. She didnt admit the affair part until this week. You do need help, and having a friend or family member around is not only a great way for you to feel like youre not alone, but its also a better way for them to understand your pain. REALLY??? I feel invisible again. I apologize for this somewhat sloppy reply Trust me. He also had a cop come stand by when he got his stuff from the house . Heal your ego and your heart first, and then see where you stand with your emotions. Cant stop crying and hate being alone for even 1 hour. Drugs and cheating were problems in the past. Their best advice was for me to just get pregnant., My husband left me after going into a depression. I am still learning the scope of the damage that was done to me. Oh my God. My husband has decided he wants to seperate, because he needs to focus on his career. Individuals who lost 5 percent of their body weight over the course of four years were more likely to feel depressed . Its rough but in the long run we will be better off. Then one night he did not come home until 5:30am. Whats the message? When you give yourself to a person completely then they just walk out of your life like nothing its so easy for them I feel depressed and dont know how to cope everything reminds me of him and its harder at night sleeping alone I saw this coming but still wasnt prepared enough. I have 2 kids as well even. I think weve grown apart over the years but we still had a comfortable and affectionate relationship. You are not going to die .Your wife who is supposed to love you has been seeing another man no matter what the excuse this is not acceptable. He says he loves me very much but is not in love with me I am devastated feel like Im dying inside. My wife is leaving me after 24 years and I was great to her and she even admitted it but got bored with me and started treating me terrible. Well. "I can't win here.". Here's expert intel on why you mightve been ghosted plus what to do about it. Please. I do not try to figure out why as it only makes me sad. He said he filed for divorce on April 14. It was a struggle. Darkest days of my life. We're told in God's Word, " The eyes of man are never satisfied. What about #6You were just an abusive alcoholic and I was sick and tired of being your punching bag? Maybe you feel that you are loved under certain conditions only, or you keep up a facade for your partner. All 3 girls are Daddys girls. Ive loved my partner for 27 years and still do. This may have nothing to do with you so giving him some space and trying to be supportive for now might help. I have become this weird doormat type character to her waiting on her every move. No matter how much you hated your husband for leaving you, the fact is, he still loves you. While cutting your hair may be regrettable, more harmful decisions may result in challenges down the road, such as substance misuse. We are happy to provide resources, but please know that our site is not meant to be a substitute for professional mental health or relationship help. Young women make sure you know all about a man before you commit because those few less desirable traits you have some doubts about may end up becoming major aspects of his character. She says she is doing this for our marriage. I dont know what makes it better. I have been in counseling, a divorce support group and working everyday to believe that I am of value. To this day I am sure she placed them there knowing I was coming. And now the most important step you can take in your journey to get over your husband: I know its hard, but you have to realize that it might be over between the two of you. Then last weekend everything changed Well I am the adulterous turned bunny boiler. My heart aches with yours. Please someone give me some advice. Look it up. I must stay strong this time and never speak to her again. I learnt from my partner of two and half years that any relationship can work. But now it's been only two weeks since he left and . The councilor suggested that I pay a visit to my gynecologist to get things checked out. But I enjoyed the article.simply great. Instead she has communicated with anothr man things hav developed. I have been with my love for 18 years and married him by church back on 9-10-11, 10 days ago left me for his high school sweetheart. she is on disability .She cant work or do the things that she loved to do. Damn well I was paying half of the bills if not more. I think its midlife crisis. Thank you for your comment and for visiting the GoodTherapy blog. then we went for higher education, there she just started acting weird and started ignoring me also i have seen loosing my priority as the way she was behaving. Submit your own storyhere, andsubscribeto our free newsletter for our best stories. How can we say such things to each other, and then she goes away with him? She went off to Arizona to stay with friends and get away from me. You can use our website to search for another therapist in your area by entering your ZIP code here: You might also consider discussing any concerns you might have with your therapist with that therapist directly. The guilt. With my entire heart and soul, I love her. You can imagine how amazed I was at this concept coming from a male (not being sexist or anything!). Well he landed a job for a few days baby needed 2 cans of formula and diapers He didnt bother buying them. Im heartbroken and sad for out two boys who love him so much. You are definitely not alone. She tells me that that even though her and I have a fabulous connection and relationship, she still is lonely for her family. She lied and broke my heart. I now tell her I wont come over anymore and space away for her when she wont even consider spending even an hour of her time with us. I am so sorry for you. I then made the mistake of writing down what had happened to me when I was a child (I had, over the years, told my wife all of this this was my first time ever writing it down) and from completely out of the blue my wifes response was to say that she knows Im in pain over all of this but that she no longer loves me, and that she wants a divorce, and that she does not see us ever getting back together. Hello, I have a question about coping with my wife leaving me for someone else. It seems that 3 weeks before my writing her my history and my concerns for us, she had an affair. They say that telling someone you love them is one thing, but showing them is something else. Because you cant fix all of these things, try to understand why he left. They are together now. Our two children were grown up and no longer living at home having started their own lives which made me feel even less needed or important in my wife life. We had some issues but always thought we would work them out. His battlefield far out weighs ours! I have had 15 yrs of therapy along with institutional treatment, CBT, outpatient care thousands of AA Meetings and lots of retreats. We now have a new and our 5th counselor. It felt like we never stopped loving each other, she just needed some space and I never wanted to let her go. I have other kids from a previous relationship and I felt saddened by it all at first. Now, I see that dream, it just that, a dream. And I continued living this new lie was a real Jekyll and Hyde until I met my wife who had / has a heart of kindness I had never experienced before. Keep me posted on how things are going for you. Do not allow someone to ever make you feel less or wrong. Im not a dumb guy, I swear it. Female aggression toward other females is real. It took some comments by others, even his own family to see how much I compensated and accommodated. But I give. WHY??? I think he is waiting to see about this house he is looking at. .. blamed for everything. I feel like having the high moral ground vindicates me but the article recommends not using it. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Without her, I would not be here to tell this story., Often our first is when we are young, in high school even. Well I was very scared and in a state of nervousness myself.